The obligation to honor your father and your mother (Exodus 20:12) is never simple, but it’s especially complicated when relations between parent and child are strained. In her moving poem “Mother,” Alicia Ostriker gives voice to the ethical challenge of caring for her mother when the conflicts of the past loom large.
Addressing her mother directly, the poet acknowledges that she has put an “ocean” of distance between herself and her mother, a separation necessitated by her mother’s own attachment issues.
“Dayeinu,” composed by Cantor Gerald Cohen
from the Passover Cantata V’higad’ta L’vincha (And you shall tell your child)
Performed by the Syracuse Children’s Choir, Barbara Tagg, conductor
How many acts of kindness God has performed for us! If God had brought us out of Egypt, Dayeinu! (it would have been enough for us!) If God had split the sea for us, Dayeinu! If God had sustained us in the wilderness for forty years, Dayeinu! If God had brought us before Mount Sinai, Dayeinu! If God had given us the Torah, Dayeinu! If God had led us to the land of Israel, Dayeinu!
For Jonah Bear, Yonah Dov ben Binyamin Yonatan veOra Liba, in honor of your first birthday
The photograph above—my last before becoming a parent—was taken early in the morning on January 7, 2015, the coldest day of a very young year. In my imagination, Jonah was born just after, as the sun was rising over the city. In reality, he was not. He was born at 11:11 a.m., when the sun was already high in the sky. But, like the Doe of the Morning, I remember him coming at dawn.
Parashat Bo introduces us to three of the four children mentioned in the Passover Haggadah, the children who will ask year
Worn Torn / Shiva Shirts Collection (2015) Ready-Made
"Abraham mourned and wept for Sarah." (Gen. 23)
Did he rip his clothes? And what did Isaac do when hearing that his mother died?
I think of him this year as the verse in "the Life of Sarah" leaps again beyond the Speaking Scroll, an annual review of loss and mourning. Just about a year ago my father died. In the moments following the news, alone in a hotel, far away from anyone and anywhere, my first instinct was to tear my shirt, observing “keri’a.” But I waited, holding on until the funeral, standing there with family, where one at a time
My mother was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia the day before Erev Rosh Hashanah last year. Through the Days of Awe we discussed her genetic profile, her symptoms, bone marrow transplants, and chemotherapy.
We approached Hanukkah unsure of what was working and what wasn’t.
She died on Purim.
Purim, the festive carnival holiday of costumes and fun. It is a bizarre day for someone attuned with the Jewish calendar to enter into aninut, the period of mourning before burial, during which all religious obligations are exempted in order to attend to the details of the burial, and to sink into
Parashat Pinehas is one of several instances in the Torah in which the holidays and their sacrifices are described. In Leviticus, we read the verse, “These are the fixed seasons of God, which you shall proclaim as sacred occasions;” (23:4) a prelude to the descriptions of festival practices with particular emphasis on the offerings made by the kohanim (priests). Here in Pinehas, the Torah lays out the religious calendar as a catalogue of these public sacrifices (Num. 28:1–29:39), which forms the maftir Torah reading for each festival.
The music for this text, composed by Salamone Rossi, was
This model of family caring for the dying is embodied powerfully in this week’s parashah. Jacob, aware that he is dying, speaks plain words to his sons: “I am about to die” (Gen. 48:21) . . . “I am about to be gathered to my kin” (49:29). By giving voice to the reality that his life is ending, Jacob opens up sacred opportunities with his family. He creates moments to put his blessings into words and communicates his wishes for what will happen to his body: that he be buried with his family in the family cave so that he can be gathered to his kin in all ways.
When I encounter this parable (often) in my work as a chaplain and pastoral educator, I am struck with the parallels to Abraham’s path after Sarah’s death. Although we do not know from the text if Abraham was inconsolable, we are told that he actively mourns his wife. We also know that Abraham goes on a quest, not to have Sarah restored to life but to find a suitable place to bury her. (Gen. 23:3–16)
Recent developments in psychiatry and neurobiology show that a quest, or what is called the “searching mechanism,” is normal and perhaps crucial to the grieving process.
In the elegy of David for Saul and his beloved Jonathan, the Hebrew words “Eikh naflu gibborim” (2 Sam. 1:17) carry a wordless cry and howl of anguish not rendered by the translation “How are the mighty fallen?” Professor Francis Landy of the University of Alberta notes that the first word, Eikh, most of all, is onomatopoeic. Eikh is a primal groan, howl, or keening; it is giving sound to inner pain and desolation, a sound of agony that comes in the immediacy of loss, ripped from the heart and soul.
By Rabbi Lilly Kaufman | Director of the Torah Fund Campaign of Women's League for Conservative Judaism, JTS
In my family, we are not the retiring type—although we do tend toward shyness. What I mean is that we don’t have a family tradition of retiring from professional work. We tend to work until we can’t. When I noticed that Parashat Beha-alotekha features an early appearance of the idea of semiretirement, I wondered about current work and retirement trends in the United States. Here is what I learned:
[T]raditional one-time, permanent exits from the labor force continue to be the exception rather than the rule, and . . . the retirement patterns of the Early Boomers, those on the cusp of